Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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