We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
