he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
