I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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