I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
