Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
