No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
