he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
