I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
