my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
