Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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