from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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