ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
