I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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