She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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