the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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