There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
