I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
