guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I want her autograph on my taint
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
