Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
