yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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