i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
