even my farts smell like vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
