I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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