i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
