Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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