Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
