omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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