Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
