I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
