spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
