I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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