I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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