I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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