We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
