i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
