Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
