I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
