Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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