Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
