I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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