i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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