Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize