I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
