is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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