the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
