i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
