I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
