I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
