Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
