I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
