Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize