I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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