He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What drink are we having for lunch?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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