She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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