Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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