piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
