so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
