I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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