He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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