Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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