Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize