I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
