U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
