insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
