First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
