I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
