hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
